I love how my skin begins to hurt in a good way when it’s this cold outside: it feels smoother and it looks healthier. I love how my nose and throat are completely clear, and my lungs feel bigger. I breathed in the trees and the frost and I felt – really felt – every single step I took, I felt the muscles in my legs, and I held my face into the sun.

It was THE BEST, and I’ll go again tomorrow. Save up for the week at the office. One thing I miss about being a student is that I could go outside during the day – every day, if I felt like it – and just enjoy this most perfect of all seasons in the daylight. Not having to longingly stare at the crisp colors and the white roofs and the frozen world through a window from my desk.

The shower alone, you guys. I don’t even know. It’s all glass and spacious and has one of those large rain shower heads…? I CANNOT HANDLE THE AWESOMENESS. Also, I’m sorry but I don’t know that I’ll be able to share with my room mate. I might just make her shower at the public pool around the corner. TOUGH LUCK THIS SHOWER’S TAKEN BITCH.

(I kid. She’s super sweet. I texted her to say I’d signed the contract and she was all, “Yay! Can’t wait till you move in!” So. She earned some basic shower privileges.)

Hello winter, hello cold, hello frost; finally. Hello new apartment and new room mate. Hello my sweet beloved washing machine. Birthday parties and after-work events. Quiet weekends. Books and blogging. Hello change and uncertainty. Hello Carnival.

Hello February.

(The image shows Holland’s coast in the winter, I found it at work today. Holland is such a beautiful and easy “product” to do PR for. Heh.)

Work is still only ok. Most of my co-workers are in Holland for a big stakeholders meeting and general updates on the future of the organization so things have been calm and relaxed but- the other intern, my only true ally here, is off work sick all week AND it looks like we will be stuck with manning the customer care center until the end of days even though the boss promised to just shut it down when the original call center ladies were fired last year. It’s a little frustrating to spend so much time on the phone with agitated tourists when that’s not at all what I’m here for. The press and PR department is buzzing with activity because the vacation season for the Netherlands is approaching and yet, here I am, stuck in customer care, explaining to customers why they are no longer receiving care as of: TBA. So frustrating.

(At the same time, there are still some issues with my new apartment that I can’t cross of my to-do-list because I’m waiting for some paperwork from a state agency which- we all know what that usually means. I’ll get it about three months after I needed it. Plus, I need to organize the whole move and it’s proving to be difficult.)

Today was better than yesterday, though, so I’m not REALLY complaining.

I’ve been sleeping a lot lately; sleeping and napping and keeping my apartment comfortably warm and taking extra hot showers. Also, I’ve been snacking on nuts and raisins, both of which – while devastatingly calorific – are super healthy. And so I’ve been feeling better physically and, most notably, my skin and my hair look so much better than before. I haven’t been dieting in any way, shape or form for months now and I’m still eating like a maniac and snacking at night – I’m doing everything wrong, basically – but additional naps and vitamins and fake saunaing have made a pleasant difference. Also: the cold, clear air out there and long power-walks on Sundays.

I’m going to have to spend a fortune on the new public transport ticket for February tonight. And I might stop at H&M. Not to get a new bag (even though I was just handed last month’s paycheck and leaving the house without a bag doesn’t seem so practical anymore)- but to get a new dress slash really long sweater. You know, one I can wear with tights and boots and no pants and still look cute? It’s a little Mission Impossible of me to look for such a thing but tonight, I just might. And then I’ll go back to hot showers and naps and worrying about All The Things.

These things make me happy today. I’ll pretend nothing else stressful or annoying and upsetting is going on at the same time.

Ah, ignorance is bliss.

Last Thursday night I, along with my boss and my two press and PR co-workers, went to a fancy work event in Düsseldorf. We were hosting a fancy press dinner for the most important journalists of the state to introduce to them our ideas for the upcoming year, and kiss their asses a little bit in the hopes that they will cover anything Holland for us in 2012. I was gratefult to be taken along but had dreaded the evening for weeks because I KNEW I’d feel uncomfortable and in the way of things. And yeah, that pretty much came true but the night went by quickly and relatively painless, and I felt EXHILARATED in the car back into downtown Cologne to have made it through.

I also felt exhilarated because I’d been waiting for it to be Friday all week. I took the afternoon off and ran straight to the the train station from the office to take the intercity express (fastest train we have, and first class at that!) home to my parents’. My brother just finished his traineeship and the official “gradudation” event was held that Friday afternoon. My surprise visit worked out perfectly! My brother apparently suspected nothing until the moment my dad stopped at the train station on the way to the ceremony!

After the ceremony, we went for coffee at a cozy little café called Alex and just chatted away. Around 6pm we moved to my favorite restaurant slash skybar back home, the Bernstein. We had reservations and got a surpremely awesome and exclusive table, surrounded by plush benches and candles and flowers and the other tables, and the view over the city beyond that. While waiting for my brother’s girlfriend to join us, we ordered drinks and my brother unpacked a small gift from my parents. The Bernstein is the perfect mix of cozy-comfortable but somewhat fancy, yet young and innovative and so on. I could LIVE there, really.

It was perfect. I hope he felt the same – it was his day, after all. It was a LONG day for me, that’s for sure. We got home around 11pm, well fed and possibly a little tipsy. Heh. — Sunday was spent at home, for the most part. The parents and I went for a long walk, and we went to Ikea for food and general browsing in the late afternoon which resulted in me building a nightstand for my brother later that night. I love building Ikea furniture. I should probably look into doing it for a living somehow.

So now I’m on the train back to Cologne. Back home again. Here’s something I’ve been noticing: I keep going home and home and home again. Home to my parents’. Home to Sweden. Home to Maastricht. Home to Cologne. I can’t say that one of these places feels the most home to me. Which is why leaving my parents’ and traveling back to Cologne today makes me feel just as happy as I felt on Friday.

Next week is SUPPOSED TO BE pretty easy-going because most of the office is at HQ in Holland for a weeklong event concerning the future of the organization. Not so fun for them but probably a quick work week for me which, on a Sunday, is a good thing to look forward to. Heh.

The housing market in this city is a disaster. The tiniest, most disgusting “apartments” go for improbable sums of money. Most of them don’t have anything resembling a kitchen, or a bathroom built after 1985. It gets incredibly frustrating because after a few weeks of apartment hunting, you begin to feel like YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY NEVER GOING TO FIND A PLACE IN THIS LIFETIME. I scrolled through dozens and dozens of listings – there is quite a bit of movement on Cologne’s housing market, I’ll give you that – and tried to be the first one to respond to one of them. If you’re not among the first few applicants for a place, you might as well not even bother. Again: too many people, too few apartments. But! BUT.

I found a place! Oh, and it’s perfect. Ever since Sweden, I’ve toyed with the idea of living with a room mate again and given the high rents in this city, it only made sense to finally go for it. Her name is Lisa. Heh. My room will be kiiind of small but the whole apartment was just renovated and comes with a brand new bathroom, a kitchen, a balcony, a small city garden, floor heating (!!!) (I wouldn’t even dare to dream of such things!), good public transport connections, grocery shopping close by, and many other people my age living in the building as well as an elderly couple who sort of care for everyone and everything. I will finally get to bring my own furniture – which is still in Maastricht – and my beloved washer (GOODBYE FOREVER, LAUNDROMAT) and my name will be on the front door and I will have a regular landline phone and I will be properly registered with the city of Cologne. I missed these things; I didn’t really have them ever since I moved out of my parents’ over three years ago.

Cologne will be crazy with Carnival most of next month so I will not move until the last weekend of February. I’m really excited!

January
I started into the new year struggling to adjust to Life After Sweden. I booked my flight for a return trip to Sweden immediately, and recapped my amazing trip to Gothenburg to make the time pass more quickly.

February
I reminisced about meeting my friend Linn in Oslo. I officially started into my final semester at university. And I celebrated my weight loss progress of the past year, while realizing that my eating problems may be more serious than I’d like to admit.

March
My mom came to Maastricht for a short visit. I went back to Sweden, and was disappointed by how much my role in the group had changed. I was at my lowest weight since early high school, and I got my tragus pierced! And I fell in love with Maastricht all over again, and spent a long weekend back home in Germany.

April
I studied hard to meet my exam and thesis deadlines. Then I was told I would not graduate in 2011 because of a mandatory course I hadn’t known about, and started stressing about my future. Spending Easter at home with the family was a much needed break, and among the most blissful holiday weekends of all time. I also went to Brussels, absolutely loved it and swore to go back as soon as possible.

May
I started a kitchen garden. I got frustrated with my life in Maastricht but then San sent me Skittles and Reese’s and my world was ok again. Heh. I committed to loose another 10kg. I spent four days at the beach on Texel island with the family.

June
I suffered from terrible allergy attacks, and became increasingly frustrated with writing my thesis. My parents came to Maastricht for a surprise visit – and why wouldn’t they have, Maastricht is lovely in June! Sadly, I had to decline going to Dubai with a close friend.

July
I interviewed for an internship in Cologne; my parents came along and we saw some of the main tourist attractions. I got the internship and promptly started hating Cologne when the apartment hunt turned into a nightmare. I turned in my last university paper ever. I went home to Germany to catch my breath (and take pictures).

August
I went to my cousin’s wedding. I attended a 2-week Dutch class offered by my university’s language school. I began to really appreciate Maastricht. Then I moved to Cologne.

September
I graduated from Maastricht University with a Bachelor of Arts, and went back to Maastricht for the ceremony. I began my internship, and fell in love with Cologne almost instantly. I bought plane tickets back to Sweden.

October
I explored my new city. I finally recapped the “business trip” I went on with the entire office in September! Too many people were fired at work which was tough for everyone. I resolved to get back on the weight loss train.

November
I joined a weekly Zumba class with a friend from work. I ruined my laptop, and bought a new Asus Eee netbook. I gained weight back, a big ol’ chunk of it.

December
As every year, I’d been waiting for winter and Christmas to finally get here and I really enjoyed Christmas in Cologne. Work became too stressful to keep up with blogging. I had to have my tragus piercing removed because it wouldn’t heal properly. My grandma passed away two days before Christmas. Two days before New Year’s I left for Sweden.

I wrote down some resolutions last year, and none of them stuck. I began 2012 in a drunken stupor with my closest friends in a small, unknown town in Sweden and my grandma’s funeral a couple days later – I’m not sure what that might mean for the year ahead. Maybe 2012 will finally be the year that I grow up but I really hope it isn’t. One thing I learned in 2011 is that adulthood will come soon enough, there’s no need to rush into it. People are people, even those who seem to have everything figured out deal with the same problems and fears as everyone else. Also, KINDNESS. It is so simple, yet The Most Important. If I had to make one resolution for this year, it is this: be kind, and appreciate kindness in others.

I haven’t had time to blog about my grandma, who passed away yesterday.

It’s been a crazy stressful month. I’m taking an early train home tomorrow. Christmas Day is the latest I’ve ever gone home for Christmas. I’m hoping that, despite the circumstances, the family and I will get some rest and enjoy the holidays as best as we can.

Merry Christmas to all of you. I miss reading your blogs and taking part in the conversations. I love you guys, and I’ll be back soon!

And so it was that – on December 10, the third advent weekend, after hours and hours at Christmas markets, with Christmas decorations out everywhere since mid-November, gift buying and holiday planning and cookie baking, and the office Christmas party just yesterday – I finally felt like Christmas. Because of this sweet lovely stranger and his oddly old-fashioned ways.

Be kind to people, y’all. It makes all the difference.

PS – I haven’t had much time for this blog lately which makes me sad; I always hate seeing it so deserted. But I’ve been up to lot of fun and exciting things, the most important of which is probably that I scored an interview for a job at a PR agency right here in Cologne. Wish me luck, you guys!