OCEANS AWAY

Why I will not quit

Filed under Weight Loss

By last March I had made it to my lowest weight since age 16. I had lost 30kg (66lbs) with an insanely strict low-calorie, non-fat diet and 60 minutes of intense cycling a day. I felt amazing and comfortable in my body; clothes fit again, I liked myself in pictures, my skin was clear, my hair was shiny, I was no longer the largest girl everywhere I went. But I was also constantly hungry – and I wrote this entry, tellingly titled “Eating problems”.

March 2011

I have gained weight again because I picked up some of my old eating habits and stopped all exercise. And I have not yet figured out how to lose weight in a healthier way: I don’t have the strength of will to do things in moderation; it appears I can only do Extreme or Nothing. So now that I have my exercise bike with me again, I’ve decided to pick up most of the relatively extreme measures that have worked for me in the past. I learned a couple things here and there – for example, non-fat (as in seriously almost ZERO) for an extended period of time is not a good plan. Eating very regularly and having a very consistent daily rhythm, meanwhile, works wonders. Luckily, my 9-to-5 internship gives me that by default.

I have 15kg (33lbs) to go to reach the goal weight I set for myself almost two years ago. I originally thought I’d reach it within a year. That didn’t happen. But I’m so glad I ever even started after years of saying “I’ll get to it tomorrow”, I’m so glad I’ve made it this far, I’m so glad I’ve learned from the painful setbacks. And I’m so glad that losing weight actually did for me what I always knew it would, even though people said losing weight alone wouldn’t change my life. — Reading Karen’s No Sugarcoating inspired me to get into this big old mess again and reach my goal weight by the end of the year. It’s a deadline, of sorts, but I won’t be too hard on myself. I know that I can do it but the important thing is to keep at it and make progress, even if it’s slow and even if I miss my own deadline once again. Looking back, I try to remember where I got the strength to keep going when just ten minutes on my bike almost killed me and when 5kg lost wouldn’t make a difference in my outer appearance at all. Without sounding too pompous or grand, I still feed off that crucial first achievement as I cycle through minute forty and fifty now: that I ever got off my ass and got started on a project so overwhelming.