Eating problems
Filed under Weight Loss
My right leg has been killing me; there’s a strange pain in my calf and the inside of my thigh. I’m not sure what caused it or whether it’s a serious thing or not so I skipped my 40 minutes on the bike this morning but am hoping to do my normal routine tonight. The increased amount of exercising I do hasn’t really helped much with my weight loss but I still feel better when I continue to push myself…
What is becoming painfully obvious to me is that I am light years away from having a healthy relationship with food. Friday night, while watching random TV shows on my laptop, I stuffed myself with more than a quarter of Dutch apple pie, a medium portion of pasta, and a whole bag of Skittles. I couldn’t stop. And I felt awful. Light-headed. Like I was going to explode. I tried to just move over to the bed and sleep it off but lying down made me feel sick. I tried to make myself throw up but I couldn’t. So I suffered through it — after 2 hours, I felt good enough to head to bed.
It was the first time in months or even years something like this has happened but it was scary. I know that people say it’s fine to indulge sometimes. Allow yourself a little treat here and there, they’ll say. BUT THAT DOESN’T WORK. I can’t have just a little bit. I just- can’t. I can’t have half a piece of pie or one chocolate bar or one scoop of ice cream or a small plate of pasta. Once I taste one bite, I want ten more. And the feeling full and feeling sick – that comes after. I don’t remember how horrible I felt last time as I’m eating eating eating. I don’t. I feel better when I eat less, physically and emotionally. But I’m also constantly hungry and it’s not fun. All I ever think about is the next meal. It’s a vicious circle because when your whole day is planned in relation to food, all you think about is food. I have to. Because I want to make smart choices in what I eat; low-calorie, low-fat – but still yummy. My mind is always going, “I want this and this and this but I can only have one, choose choose choose, but I’m so exhausted tonight, NO!, if you don’t stick to it when it’s hard, you might as well not stick to it at all, BUT I WANT CHEESECAKE, NO SHUT UP.”
But I really don’t want to give up, either. Because when I look at snapshots of myself now, I feel so good. A year ago, I did everything I could to avoid pictures being taken of me. Or having to stand up in front of a class where everyone could see me. Or, on bad days, even leaving the house because people would see me.
Feb27
March 3, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I’m the same way about treats. I just can’t put them down.
As for exercising, you might have hit a plateau. Also, doing the same exercises over and over again may not do any good. You may want to spice it up a little. :)